Weekly Letter

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Allison Roth

December 12, 2016

“Invictus”

By: William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.	Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.	It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

My dearest  _______________________,

                For us seniors, second semester is only two weeks away. Two weeks! I know, I know, the sophomores reading this are probably groaning and sinking further into their seats, envious that we can slack off in school because we will be “second semester seniors” soon. Trust me, sophomores, you will get there faster than you think. If I gave you the advice to enjoy your high school days while they lasted, I know you will all roll your eyes in feigned disbelief as to how I could possibly think you are enjoying yourself at Costa. But once again, trust me, your days at Costa will soon become the “good ol’ days” when you are older and suffering from chronic nostalgia. In all seriousness, I ask you sophomores to please try and make the most out of your high school career because honestly, despite the plethora of ups and downs I have had to overcome these past four years, I miss it already.

               For the seniors reading this, don’t worry, I am not crazy. I am obviously ecstatic to become a second semester senior; however, I am just not currently squirming at the edge of my seat ready to graduate. I sometimes feel disoriented and lost- feelings that leave me with sweaty palms and an urge to duck tape myself into my chair. If you feel this way as well, you are not alone. College applications haunt my dreams and my once relaxing showers have turned into “unearthing the unknown mysteries of life” time. I spend my nights in bed pondering what I am going to do with my life after Costa. My current plan is to follow what my parents and society have told me would be the best way to succeed (go to a four-year university, attend graduate school and later become a loyal member of the workforce), but I cannot help but wonder if at the end of this pre-paved road, would I end up happy?

This past week in Mr. Brown’s class, I have noticed that many song lessons have shared the common theme of “identity”. These lessons touched on topics regarding stress in school, success, and future goals. After these lessons, I would leave class with mercurial feelings of both optimism and total confusion. My classmates empowered me to follow my own dreams, yet I would have internal battles with ancient dogma bestowed upon me by society from birth that there is only one path to achieve success. If my dream is to be successful, then must I follow society’s path? I felt that if I did, I would no longer maintain my identity as a unique individual and I would become just another pawn in a game.

I distinctly remember a particular lesson by Danielle Gonzales on identity. She artfully directed the class through an insightful activity where we folded a piece of paper into thirds and labeled each section “society”, “parents” and “me” respectively. In each third we drew images regarding what each title defined “success” as. As I drew these images, I struggled to differentiate what images I wanted to put under “me” and what images I wanted to put under the other two categories. I knew there were supposed to be at least some distinct images in each section, but my own opinion of success had been so heavily influenced over the years by others that it was difficult for me to find what I truly defined “success” as. After completing this shrewd activity, I remember Danielle saying, “Isn’t it dumb that society’s and our parents’ ideals of success take up two-thirds of our own paper?” And that’s when it hit me. If I am to live my own life, I cannot have society’s and my parent’s viewpoints overpower my own dreams of success. My epiphany did not make me go completely rogue and totally disregard any of the opinions I knew my parents and society had for me to succeed, but it definitely changed how I was going to go about making choices in the future.

           At the start of the school year, I had to make some pretty big decisions that would affect the entirety of my college experience. I had to choose between committing to play Division I soccer at an Ivy League school and not playing soccer anywhere and just applying to schools based on my academic abilities only. You probably read that last sentence and immediately came up with the choice you would have easily taken. I bet you chose the guaranteed, safe option of committing to an Ivy League. I did too at one point. But then my choice changed. And changed again. My dream has always been to attend an Ivy League school but I kept changing my mind when I asked myself if I would be happy having to juggle a soccer career and a rigorous course load for another four years.  

I have played soccer for the past fourteen years of my life and I could not imagine my life without it; however, I felt that in order to grow and succeed in my future career, I would need to break away from my beloved sport. My friends did not understand why I would give up playing soccer in college and a definite spot at an amazing school. I was unsure of my decision as well, but I knew that playing soccer for forty hours a week would not make me happy if I valued a college experience full of study abroad and internship opportunities over playing soccer. Growing up playing competitive soccer, the soccer community raised me to believe that success was committing to play Division I soccer. I still feel that pressure right now. But what my classmates have taught me over this past semester is that I have to be courageous enough to choose the path that I want to take.

           Maintaining your own identity, whether it is following your own dreams and not someone else’s or creating your own definition of success, is critical to leading a happy life. Although the pursuit of happiness may be a difficult journey, it is one worth taking.

Thank you for taking the time to piece together my detached thoughts on the world and trying your best to empathize with me. I invite you all to try Danielle’s activity because who knows, you may find your definition of success in the five minutes you spend doodling on a piece of paper.

Smile! You’ve finished reading,

Allison Roth

Instructions: Write a letter to your parents explaining what your dreams in life are. Don’t worry, you are not required to give them your letter; however, please write at least one paragraph describing what you see yourself doing in the next year, five years, or ten years. Do you want to go to college, continue playing your sport, try a new hobby? What is your dream job or what college would you like to attend? In a second paragraph, address any differences between your personal aspirations and those that your parents or society would like you to have. Be your biggest advocate and fight for your dreams in this paragraph. When you are finished and feel brave enough, please give your letter to your parents or read it to them. If you are not yet ready to share with them, post this letter in your room as a reminder to follow your dreams!

Allison Roth 

October 26, 2016 

Period 4 

Wallace, Danny. Yes Man. New York: Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2005. Print. 

 

Keeping a Closed Mind is a Disease 

"But there were also people who knew... pain. 

The pain of missing something; the pain of not knowing what could have happened; the pain of discovering that sometimes, opportunity really will only knock once; the pain of knowing where a No had brought them and realising too late when a Yes in its place could have led them. 

The pain not necessarily of having said no, but of not having grabbed a Yes" (360). 

At the end of his novel, Danny Wallace reflects on his year-long journey of only replying "yes". He realizes that the life he led before his expedition was one of pain. He recalls the feeling regret when he later realizes that he should have said yes to a said offer. After gaining a more positive outlook on life, Danny realizes that many people feel this same pain and should say yes more in order to take the few opportunities offered in life. It is only at the end of his journey, that Danny is able to feel empathy towards those, like his old self, who regret always turning down opportunities.

This passage reflects the overall theme of the novel that life is full of limited opportunity. Many men and women in the world feel a sense of regret every time an opportunity passes by and he or she doesn't catch it. Danny learns that during these times, it is important to say yes and embark on the new journey rather than shy away. He notes that the pain does not arise from rejecting the opportunity and being negative, but from not seizing an opportunity. In the beginning of the novel, Danny was full of pain and sorrow from the "what-ifs" in his life, but after going a year of saying yes to every opportunity, he learns that the pain he felt was for not being audacious enough to go outside his comfort zone and try something new.  

"I realised now all too clearly that you can't live life as a total optimist... At some point you have to grow up, move on... Responsibility comes to us all. Life can't just be about fun. We have to sacrifice our freedom sometimes, so that we can progress" (243).  

At this point in the novel, Danny receives a promotion to "Head of Department".  Even though he is escatic and initially blames it on his "yes" phase, he realizes that it is the total opposite. Danny sees this promotion as a way of telling him to focus on life and not live like a child- carefree and reckless. He sees his promotion as an anchor to tie him down and live life like an adult. He now believes that saying no gives power and a grip on one's life while yes opens doors that have no end to the mercurial outcomes. 

Danny's new job as Head of Department causes him to rethink his yes expedition. He realizes that saying yes, a freedom we all share, does not always bring luck or opportunity. He now understands that not saying yes may give up our freedom but it allows us to move forward and onto more stable things. Danny also notes that when saying yes to something he didn't want to say yes to, that he was actually saying no to himself. Saying yes gave him freedom, but with that freedom came room to be taken advantage of or obligation to do something he didn't want to do. His new job with moe responsibilities was a reminder that Danny cannot live efficiently by saying yes to everything, and must say no sometimes in order to move on in life.

“An Honest Confession by an American Coward"

"I had come to a conclusion about my country that I knew then in my bones but lacked the courage to act on: America is good enough to die for even when she is wrong" (My Losing Season by Pat Conroy).

The moment I read this quote, I felt an unusual feeling towards America. As a liberal and open-minded kid with no true experience with war, it is easy for me to look down on America for all the wrongs and injustice within her. However, after reading this quote, I no longer put that blame on America. Instead, I saw a soldier fighting for her people, even though she is bleeding and full of scars. I am patriotic towards my country; however, I do not realize how lucky I am to be an American citizen compared to living in another country. I see my rights as fundamental and irrefutable, but in many nations, man's most basic rights are not taken into consideration or given freely. I chose this passage because it moved me, as an American, to be grateful for my country and not see her scars as evil and violent, but marks of perseverance and change.

Earlier this week I wrote that, although I will patriotically stand during the Pledge of Allegiance or National Anthem, I do not object to other citizens sitting. I felt this way because I thought that some citizen's rights were not being protected by our country and that they could justly not show America respect if she didn't respect them. After reading this passage, I no longer so vehemently agree to my past sentiments. I believe that despite rough parts in history, America has given her citizens a life more free than one could receive elsewhere. In addition, it is the freedom that America grants her citizens that allows people to object to standing during the Pledge of Allegiance. I now believe that America rightly deserves respect, even when a citizen is not happy with the American government,  because at least life's most fundamental rights are protected by the thousands of men and women who risked their lives for yours.

Nature’s Innocent and Nurtured Killers

A seed needs tender care in order to bloom into a flower. One must give the seed water, sunlight, and air so that it has the necessary nutrients to grow. Like a seed requiring nurture, a child must be cared for in order to grow into a healthy adult. When a child grows up in an environment that does not properly nurture the adolescent for healthy growth, a good-natured child becomes susceptible to sin and evil. In Montana 1948 by Larry Watson, a man named David reminisces about a time in his childhood where his idol, Uncle Frank, turns into a murderer and rapist. Throughout the telling of the events that change David’s family and his own outlook on life, David sees the true identity of his uncle and unravels the truth about his town and how it shaped his uncle into a criminal. In the movie Platoon, directed by Oliver Stone, Chris Taylor, a young adult born into a privileged family, enlists in the Vietnam War. Through the blood covered jungles of Vietnam, Chris witnesses the brutal war of good and evil between his superiors, Sergeant Barnes and Sergeant Elias. In order to survive, Chris fights against the enemy and his own morality, in the end shooting his traditional values and becoming a killer. Both Larry Watson’s Montana 1948 and Oliver Stone’s Platoon show that environments can transform good humans to evil through Frank devolving into a criminal and Chris devolving into a killer.

In Montana 1948, Frank Hayden is idolized by all of Mercer County. However, underneath Frank’s past achievements and handsome facade, is a troubled man who uses his likeability to take advantage of Indian women.

In the beginning of the novel, David remembers Frank as the golden child of the Hayden family and idolized him, “He was handsome… as tall and well built as my father, but with an athletic grace that my father lacked. He had been a star athlete in high school and college, and he was a genuine war hero, complete with decorations and commendations” (36). As a young man, Frank worked hard in athletics to please his community. During the war, Frank left the hospital and courageously assisted casualties on the battlefield. Under heavy fire from the enemy side, Frank bravely carried three wounded soldiers to safety. 

Despite these achievements, Frank was always regarded as superior because of his family name, “I was a Hayden. I knew, from the time I was very young and without having been told, that that meant something in Bentrock. Because my grandfather was wealthy and powerful… we were as close as Mercer County came to aristocracy… it gave me a measure of respect that I didn’t have to earn” (126). Due to the Hayden name, Frank was always regarded highly in his community. Even though he worked hard and was a good man, he did not need to be a war hero to receive the same respect that he would have being a Hayden. Over time, Uncle Frank understood that whatever he does, his town would support him whether or not he acted properly.

Next to Mercer County was an Indian Reservation. In the predominately white town of Bentrock, Indians were regarded as inferior to the white members of the community. Uncle Frank offered his services as a doctor to the reservation’s BIA school giving Indian girls athletic physicals. When he gives these girls physicals, he rapes them and forces them into indecent positions. When David’s caretaker, Marie Little Soldier, tells David’s mother about Frank’s actions, Frank kills Marie Little Soldier. When Frank confesses his misdeeds to Wes, Wes is appalled, “I tell you, if you could hear him talk. As if he had no more concern for what he did than if… if he had kicked a dog. No. He’d show more remorse over a dog” (150). Frank regards Indians with such contempt, that he no longer treats them humanely. He believes that he is so superior to them, that he can do whatever he wants to an Indian woman and not get in trouble for his actions. Due to Frank’s high status in Bentrock, he does not fear retaliation from his community. Not only does he find his race superior to that of an Indian’s, but he believes he is more superior than the authority of his town.

As an adult, Frank has drastically changed from a selfless, honorable man to a brutal rapist and murderer because of the out-of-proportion respect and leniency given to him by his community. Frank grew up in an environment where he did not need to do praise-worthy deeds in order to be praised. With his aristocratic status in his town,  Frank became overcome with superiority issues and, once presented with the opportunity to take advantage of his high status, abused Indian girls. In Montana 1948, Frank was a successful young man who became a criminal due to his environment’s blind and excessive praise towards him that allowed him to believe he was superior to Indian women and authority.
 
In Platoon, Chris Taylor is an 18 year old boy from a wealthy family who enlists in the Vietnam War. Throughout the movie, Chris struggles to keep his moral values while adapting to the jungle filled with snakes and bloodshed. Chris relies on his two sergeants to survive the war. Through Sergeant Elias, Chris learns that life’s basic morals are greater than the brutality of war. In contrast, through Sergeant Barnes, Chris learns that life is a war, and in war, morals and good cannot exist.

During the movie, Chris’s platoon raids a Vietnamese village. During the raid, a few of his comrades rape young Vietnamese village girls. When Chris sees this occurring, he begins yelling at his comrades to stop their brutality and let the girls go. He screams at one of his team members, "Do you have any humanity?" At this point, in the early onset of the war, Chris still held onto his sense of right and wrong, even when the war allowed room for wrong to roam free. After this incident, Sergeant Elias nods at Chris and gives him encouragement that humanity and morality still hold true even in war. In the beginning, Chris still maintained his virtues even though he was not required to and was surrounded by comrades who did not uphold these same virtues. 

Deeper into the war, Chris and his platoon get ambushed by the enemy line. Sergeant Elias is tasked with taking his team deep in the jungle to kill Vietnamese soldiers running towards the American camp. Although Chris wanted to go with Elias deeper into enemy territory, he was told to stay with his comrades 100 meters in. When the task was over, Chris notifies Sergeant Barnes that Elias is still out in the jungle. Barnes goes to look for Elias, and when he comes back, he tells Chris that Elias died from enemy fire; however, Chris sees in Barnes’s eyes that Barnes murdered Elias. At that moment, the person who represented moral light within the dark of the war was now dead by the man who taught Chris that war was no place for the good. This showed Chris that, in fact, good cannot last in a war.

During one of the last scenes in the film, the American camp becomes surrounded by the enemy and undergoes heavy artillery fire from American planes. At the end of all the explosions and destruction, Chris finds Barnes barely alive and asking Chris for help. Instead of helping his Sergeant, Chris shoots Barnes in the chest numerous times. Although in the beginning Chris believed that he was doing moral justice by killing the man who took away the good still preserved in Chris’s platoon, he realized after that he was now a killer and that Barnes was right- in war, there is no good.

In the beginning of the war, Chris had no intention of killing other humans. He could not even withstand the lack of humanity his comrades showed by raping Vietnamese girls. Through the unexplainable difficulties of war, Chris transformed into a killer from a boy with moral upbringing and values.

Humans are capable of transforming from good to evil with the influence of one’s environment, as seen in Montana 1948, with Frank devolving into a criminal, and in Platoon, with Chris devolving into a killer. In Montana 1948, Frank went from a courageous war hero to a rapist with no regard for humanity. As a young man, Frank was revered for his last name and his athletic abilities. The elevated status that his town gave him altered Frank’s view of his role within society. Frank began to think he was superior to the residents of his town and knew that if he took a wrong step, he would not be held accountable. Due to his environment’s praise and his spoiled upbringing, Frank became a ruthless criminal and abused Indian women. In Platoon, Chris entered the war carrying his morality in his backpack. Throughout his service, Chris is surrounded by men who have completely disregarded all values of morality under the influence of Sergeant Barnes. Chris attempts to uphold a sense of good within his platoon with the help of Sergeant Elias. When Elias dies at the hands of Barnes, Chris’s foundation of morality breaks down and he is consumed in the bloodshed and horror of war. At the end of the movie, Chris transforms from a savior like Elias, to a killer like Barnes due to the darkness of war that did not allow any light of Chris’s morality to shine through the depths of the jungle.