Weekly Letter

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Allison Roth

December 12, 2016

“Invictus”

By: William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.	Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.	It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

My dearest  _______________________,

                For us seniors, second semester is only two weeks away. Two weeks! I know, I know, the sophomores reading this are probably groaning and sinking further into their seats, envious that we can slack off in school because we will be “second semester seniors” soon. Trust me, sophomores, you will get there faster than you think. If I gave you the advice to enjoy your high school days while they lasted, I know you will all roll your eyes in feigned disbelief as to how I could possibly think you are enjoying yourself at Costa. But once again, trust me, your days at Costa will soon become the “good ol’ days” when you are older and suffering from chronic nostalgia. In all seriousness, I ask you sophomores to please try and make the most out of your high school career because honestly, despite the plethora of ups and downs I have had to overcome these past four years, I miss it already.

               For the seniors reading this, don’t worry, I am not crazy. I am obviously ecstatic to become a second semester senior; however, I am just not currently squirming at the edge of my seat ready to graduate. I sometimes feel disoriented and lost- feelings that leave me with sweaty palms and an urge to duck tape myself into my chair. If you feel this way as well, you are not alone. College applications haunt my dreams and my once relaxing showers have turned into “unearthing the unknown mysteries of life” time. I spend my nights in bed pondering what I am going to do with my life after Costa. My current plan is to follow what my parents and society have told me would be the best way to succeed (go to a four-year university, attend graduate school and later become a loyal member of the workforce), but I cannot help but wonder if at the end of this pre-paved road, would I end up happy?

This past week in Mr. Brown’s class, I have noticed that many song lessons have shared the common theme of “identity”. These lessons touched on topics regarding stress in school, success, and future goals. After these lessons, I would leave class with mercurial feelings of both optimism and total confusion. My classmates empowered me to follow my own dreams, yet I would have internal battles with ancient dogma bestowed upon me by society from birth that there is only one path to achieve success. If my dream is to be successful, then must I follow society’s path? I felt that if I did, I would no longer maintain my identity as a unique individual and I would become just another pawn in a game.

I distinctly remember a particular lesson by Danielle Gonzales on identity. She artfully directed the class through an insightful activity where we folded a piece of paper into thirds and labeled each section “society”, “parents” and “me” respectively. In each third we drew images regarding what each title defined “success” as. As I drew these images, I struggled to differentiate what images I wanted to put under “me” and what images I wanted to put under the other two categories. I knew there were supposed to be at least some distinct images in each section, but my own opinion of success had been so heavily influenced over the years by others that it was difficult for me to find what I truly defined “success” as. After completing this shrewd activity, I remember Danielle saying, “Isn’t it dumb that society’s and our parents’ ideals of success take up two-thirds of our own paper?” And that’s when it hit me. If I am to live my own life, I cannot have society’s and my parent’s viewpoints overpower my own dreams of success. My epiphany did not make me go completely rogue and totally disregard any of the opinions I knew my parents and society had for me to succeed, but it definitely changed how I was going to go about making choices in the future.

           At the start of the school year, I had to make some pretty big decisions that would affect the entirety of my college experience. I had to choose between committing to play Division I soccer at an Ivy League school and not playing soccer anywhere and just applying to schools based on my academic abilities only. You probably read that last sentence and immediately came up with the choice you would have easily taken. I bet you chose the guaranteed, safe option of committing to an Ivy League. I did too at one point. But then my choice changed. And changed again. My dream has always been to attend an Ivy League school but I kept changing my mind when I asked myself if I would be happy having to juggle a soccer career and a rigorous course load for another four years.  

I have played soccer for the past fourteen years of my life and I could not imagine my life without it; however, I felt that in order to grow and succeed in my future career, I would need to break away from my beloved sport. My friends did not understand why I would give up playing soccer in college and a definite spot at an amazing school. I was unsure of my decision as well, but I knew that playing soccer for forty hours a week would not make me happy if I valued a college experience full of study abroad and internship opportunities over playing soccer. Growing up playing competitive soccer, the soccer community raised me to believe that success was committing to play Division I soccer. I still feel that pressure right now. But what my classmates have taught me over this past semester is that I have to be courageous enough to choose the path that I want to take.

           Maintaining your own identity, whether it is following your own dreams and not someone else’s or creating your own definition of success, is critical to leading a happy life. Although the pursuit of happiness may be a difficult journey, it is one worth taking.

Thank you for taking the time to piece together my detached thoughts on the world and trying your best to empathize with me. I invite you all to try Danielle’s activity because who knows, you may find your definition of success in the five minutes you spend doodling on a piece of paper.

Smile! You’ve finished reading,

Allison Roth

Instructions: Write a letter to your parents explaining what your dreams in life are. Don’t worry, you are not required to give them your letter; however, please write at least one paragraph describing what you see yourself doing in the next year, five years, or ten years. Do you want to go to college, continue playing your sport, try a new hobby? What is your dream job or what college would you like to attend? In a second paragraph, address any differences between your personal aspirations and those that your parents or society would like you to have. Be your biggest advocate and fight for your dreams in this paragraph. When you are finished and feel brave enough, please give your letter to your parents or read it to them. If you are not yet ready to share with them, post this letter in your room as a reminder to follow your dreams!